Hey there.
I’ve been busy. Busy with a lot of things, things including quitting my job and looking for a new one and apartment hunting and cleaning and organizing and purging. I’ll be moving to Halifax in four weeks. Or at least, that’s the plan. The very exciting and terrifying plan. My leap of faith, as I’ve been calling it.
The long term agenda: a new gallery job with more opportunities to have my voice heard. A body of work and some solo exhibitions under my belt. A master’s degree in fine art. An ambitious and beautiful lady in my life. A solid grasp on how to maintain my best self.
So what have I been up to this week? On Monday Neek, the Fox and I ran 2 miles. On Wednesday I rode 15 miles. Thursday I ran/walked 5k. Yesterday I rode 13 miles after work and today I rode 20 miles before work. I have been working very hard to find and embrace my best self. I’ve been working hard in a lot of ways, and it hasn’t been easy, not by a long shot. But I am here, I am working hard, and I am still alive.

Hey there.

I’ve been busy. Busy with a lot of things, things including quitting my job and looking for a new one and apartment hunting and cleaning and organizing and purging. I’ll be moving to Halifax in four weeks. Or at least, that’s the plan. The very exciting and terrifying plan. My leap of faith, as I’ve been calling it.

The long term agenda: a new gallery job with more opportunities to have my voice heard. A body of work and some solo exhibitions under my belt. A master’s degree in fine art. An ambitious and beautiful lady in my life. A solid grasp on how to maintain my best self.

So what have I been up to this week? On Monday Neek, the Fox and I ran 2 miles. On Wednesday I rode 15 miles. Thursday I ran/walked 5k. Yesterday I rode 13 miles after work and today I rode 20 miles before work. I have been working very hard to find and embrace my best self. I’ve been working hard in a lot of ways, and it hasn’t been easy, not by a long shot. But I am here, I am working hard, and I am still alive.

lindsaur-gor:

There needs to be a code word or something that means “my brain is fighting me every step of the way today and I feel like I’m going to vibrate out of my skin, so I need you to forgive everything and go slowly and speak softly and lower your expectations.” And then we could all just be like, “I know I said we could go to a movie tonight but… tangerines.” And the other person would nod and squeeze your elbow or rub your head and you wouldn’t feel like a failure.

Yes, absolutely I will hold your treasured and specially chosen pieces of gravel for you while you specially choose more pieces for me. 

Ten bicycle miles and skinny dipping before work. Three hours of fishing, rock throwing and Bon firing with these Fun Dip covered jerks after work. 
I squeezed the most out of my day, and I feel good about that.

Yes, absolutely I will hold your treasured and specially chosen pieces of gravel for you while you specially choose more pieces for me.

Ten bicycle miles and skinny dipping before work. Three hours of fishing, rock throwing and Bon firing with these Fun Dip covered jerks after work.

I squeezed the most out of my day, and I feel good about that.

Four miles ran. Three falafel patties. Two litres of fizzy. One job quit.

Zero regrets.

I just quit my job.

I just quit my job.

On Sunday morning the Fox and I met with Beachy and Chris, where we promptly put on our matching cotton tees, ate a muffin (tiny cake) and filled our vessels. We left after Beachy tried on our new cycling socks (why so tall on the ankle?) and were quickly (2k’s in) granted a break where we learned from John The Bike Repair Guy that bike tires wear down if they sit unused for a long time. He commended us for our cotton tees as we watched the elite cyclists fly past us.

Once again, to help you with the visual: we wore cotton t-shirts that were spray painted with a wagon stencil. A wagon.

To summarize the rest of the ride, it was a roller coaster of emotions matched in intensity only with the size of the hills. We directed our feelings about this towards Becca, who insisted this ride was “just one big hill at the start and the rest is completely flat.” You can’t build a relationship on lies.

The guy in the sag van tried to get us to cut our ride short because the volunteers were cleaning up lunch. Nope. Our pride couldn’t take a shortcut. We were the cotton wagons and we were miles behind the others and we kept going because we were determined to get our $40 worth. At the final rest stop the sag van man insisted they would save ice cream for us at the end.

(We got lucky because the sag van man never caught us wasting time. He never drove past when we were sitting in the grass being mad. He never saw me looping around to pick up a peacock feather and carry it in my hand for 2k’s. He definitely probably didn’t bust Beachy and Becca trying to pet a cow in a pasture.)

We pulled into the finish, sore and bitter with each other - like a group of best fiends should be after enduring a seven hour bicycle trek through back country Norfolk.

The little cotton wagons that could.

100 k’s are done.

2k’s in. 2 k’s of 100 k’s, guys.

2k’s in. 2 k’s of 100 k’s, guys.

She made us shirts at work and I juried an art opening that had a lot of barns and I drank wine and got mugs and now we are going to set up a tent and sleep in it so we can wake up and ride one hundred kilometres with newlyweds.

Today I suffered through waves of agonizing menstrual cramps and uncomfortable back pain and a general lack of patience, but managed to find time for appreciation. 

For these feet. For the two that lovingly rub up against my cold legs at night. For the two that carried me at my loneliest, whether she knew it or not. For the two that I have gotten to watch grow since the first day I held him; the little one with so many questions. Finally, for the two that moved me five k’s last night. The two that keep me upright despite stabbing pains. The two feet that keep me moving forward.

Today I suffered through waves of agonizing menstrual cramps and uncomfortable back pain and a general lack of patience, but managed to find time for appreciation.

For these feet. For the two that lovingly rub up against my cold legs at night. For the two that carried me at my loneliest, whether she knew it or not. For the two that I have gotten to watch grow since the first day I held him; the little one with so many questions. Finally, for the two that moved me five k’s last night. The two that keep me upright despite stabbing pains. The two feet that keep me moving forward.

I am lying in a pop-up trailer a few hours from home. It’s raining, and the rain hitting the canvas is keeping me awake. So, hi. Let’s catch up. 

Today we drove up here to visit my parents. We rode 11 hilly miles and watched a field of cows watch us back, and it made me happy. We watched a sunset and got a detailed tour of the area from mom and dad and had ice cream, which we ate while sitting in recycled chairs. Mom was really excited about the recycled chairs. 

They have been really supportive of us, and it means a lot to me. I just know that my life would feel a lot messier without their approval. I am lucky to have that. 

I’ve been feeling pretty anxious and time is moving quickly and I worry about what’s to come. I guess we all do. I know that the sky is blue and I will continue to breathe and I will take comfort in reminding myself that I am loved an cared for and I am not in fact, alone. Not even close.

I am lying in a pop-up trailer a few hours from home. It’s raining, and the rain hitting the canvas is keeping me awake. So, hi. Let’s catch up.

Today we drove up here to visit my parents. We rode 11 hilly miles and watched a field of cows watch us back, and it made me happy. We watched a sunset and got a detailed tour of the area from mom and dad and had ice cream, which we ate while sitting in recycled chairs. Mom was really excited about the recycled chairs.

They have been really supportive of us, and it means a lot to me. I just know that my life would feel a lot messier without their approval. I am lucky to have that.

I’ve been feeling pretty anxious and time is moving quickly and I worry about what’s to come. I guess we all do. I know that the sky is blue and I will continue to breathe and I will take comfort in reminding myself that I am loved an cared for and I am not in fact, alone. Not even close.

I did a thing this morning and I sweat and panted and kind of hate-loved it. I’m real bad at it. I think it’s fine. 2.5 miles felt like a Barkley. 

Now I’m at work and we have a gallery crawl tonight and I spent the day cleaning and decorating and today, I really love my job.

I did a thing this morning and I sweat and panted and kind of hate-loved it. I’m real bad at it. I think it’s fine. 2.5 miles felt like a Barkley.

Now I’m at work and we have a gallery crawl tonight and I spent the day cleaning and decorating and today, I really love my job.

My Hottest Self

Real talk. Lately I’ve been having big time body image issues. I can’t completely blame Forever 21, but they know what they did. I don’t love my body. I don’t even really like it. Having said that, I spent a lot of time on my ride thinking about when I feel the best looking. I have named this person My Hottest Self. This person is as follows:

Hair down, glasses, tank top, boyshort underwear. My hottest self.

Who is your Hottest Self?

I snuck in ten miles after a late meeting and also I ran yesterday but we can talk about that another time.

A few bodies that I love: the lake, the pool, and hers. She has been driving me crazy and keeping me sane this week. I am grateful to have her.

We got late night Thai with friends and watched fireworks from across the river yesterday. I still ride.13 miles yesterday, 10 today. We might ride big tomorrow.

It’s a beautiful day and the sky is blue.

Tags: cycling